


The Horrors Of Daytime TV

by Spoon888



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, No one dies AU, Post-The Transformers: Unicron Issue 6 (IDW), Retirement, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, old idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:27:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: Optimus and Megatron adjust to life together on Earth.Some cope with retirement better than others.





	The Horrors Of Daytime TV

**Author's Note:**

> Post IDW 1 AU where no one dies and everyone's together on Earth.
> 
> And Optimus and Megatron are married, obviously.

There was so much to do on Earth, so much to see. This was a planet with such biological diversity that the humans were _still_ discovering species of animal. It possessed almost every type of terrain imaginable -from desert, to jungle, to snowy mountaintops and endless oceans- that there were endless possibilities for exploration, and now that Optimus wasn't held back by Primely duties or forever distracted by the threat of world destroying attacks, he could use his newfound freedom to start on those possibilities.

If only his retirement partner would get off his aft and come with him once and awhile.

It was midday, the planet's sun at it's highest point in the sky, and long since time Megatron should have roused himself. Optimus stalked back inside their temporary home -a converted flight hanger- and charged into the berth room.

Megatron was slumped against the headboard of the berth, staring at the flickering TV, the only source of light in the otherwise dark room, his expression vacant, his optics unfocused.

Optimus glanced at what had his undivided attention, and his frown deepened at the sight of the twenty-four-hour shopping channel, and the smiling blonde human doing her best to flog a hundred overpriced pink head-towels.

He switched it off.

Megatron blinked himself from his stupor, frowning at the sudden lack of 'entertainment'.

"I was watching that," he snarled when he finally realised there was another person in the room.

"I thought you were in a coma," Optimus snapped meanly, stalking forwards and ripping the tarp acting as curtains down from the window to let in natural light. Megatron hissed and flinched back like some sort of cave-bot.

Primus, Optimus had let this go on for too long.

"Get up," He demanded, whipping the covers away from Megatron's frame. "Drink a cube and take a shower, we're going out."

"Out?" Megatron looked alarmed. "Why?"

"Because you haven't left this room in a week." Optimus sat on the edge of the berth and levelled Megatron with a serious, hard look. "All you've done is watch shopping channels and 'reality' TV. Things are happening out there, Megatron. You're missing them."

"Missing _what_?" Megatron sneered, leaning back against the headboard and folding his arms stubbornly. "There's nothing for us to do on this planet but wait to die. I'm surprised we haven't already been put in one of those 'homes'."

Optimus was rather taken aback. "Megatron," he sighed. "They wouldn't _let_ you in a retirement home. Those are for humans-"

"I see little difference in how the humans treat their elderly to how our _so-called_ followers are treating us now!" Megatron declared and leaned to the side to peer through the open window, glancing towards the sky. "Starscream could appear any day now to ship me off to some geriatric prison with nothing to do but play 'bingo' and feed ducks! I have to be ready to defend myself." 

Optimus didn't see anything particularly tortuous about feeding ducks or playing games, but Primus only knew what Starscream had been telling Megatron to get him so worked up.

"I won't let him," Optimus reassured. "And we haven't been forgotten. It only seems that way to you because you _refuse to go outside and interact with anyone_."

"I interact with you. Isn't that enough?"

Optimus exhaled heavily, "No more TV."

Megatron sent out a signal to switch the television set back on. The blonde women was still struggling to sell the head-towels. Now she was modelling one, but appeared to have knocked out her earpiece. Optimus found the secondhand embarrassment crippling. 

"You seem to have mistaken me for someone you can boss around, _Prime_," Megatron mocked challengingly.

Optimus didn't bother to correct him. Instead he stood up, turned around, and punched his fist clean through the centre of the cursed TV screen. Glass twinkled to the floor as the electrics sparked and smoked. Optimus withdrew his fist and shook it out before turning to face Megatron again, planting his hands on his hips.

Megatron was glaring at him on the berth. "...Well _that_ was mature."

"I'll get you a new one," Optimus promised, nor feeling in slightest regretful.

"And what are supposed to do in the meantime? When we're not out 'exploring the planet'," Megatron sneered sarcastically, looking around the relatively empty room. "_Talk_ to one another?"

"Or," Optimus climbed back onto the berth, getting onto his hands and knees over Megatron's legs and crawling up, slowly. "We could do what we _used_ to do in the berth together?"

The grumpy expression Megatron had been wearing for weeks started to give somewhat. His mouth curled into that smug little smirk Optimus had missed. "Oh," he purred, settling back to let Optimus climb over him, "How could I forget..."

Optimus leant down and pressed their mouths together, lowering himself from his hands and knees to settle the weight of his large frame across Megatron's. Megatron was warm from laying in berth all day, and somewhat musky, but it added an element of intimacy to the kiss. Optimus sighed as arms came around him and their legs threaded together.

With a sudden burst of strength, Megatron flipped them, and Optimus was on his back, sideways across the berth, his head hanging over the edge. He swallowed, his throat cables stretched out as Megatron kissed down them and bit at his edge of his clavicle armour.

They rolled and shifted together, armour scrapping and clunking as they struggled to decide on a position. Optimus locked his legs around Megatron's broad hips and squeezed, keeping him in place. With a huff, Megatron relented, his emerging spike a stiff, hot pressure against Optimus's panel.

Optimus released it, and with some lazily shifting, they came together, moaning in unison.

Above them, the window of the converted flight hanger began to fog, their frame's pumping out heat and their breathing sharp and fast. The berth, made of earth materials and less sturdy than they would have liked, rocked on it's legs, the frame scrapping against the sheet metal walls of the hanger. Should anyone have been walking by outside, they would have recognised the telling rhythm for what it was.

Optimus tightened his legs around Megatron one last time, flinging his head back as charge released across his frame in waves. He squeezed handfuls of hip plating as Megatron continued to ride him, oversensitive but weathering his mate's attentions, until with one last bang of the frame against the wall, Megatron finished with a moan.

Overheated, armour pinging, vents wheezing like they really _were_ old mechs, they fell apart, limbs splaying lazily.

"Maybe we don't get a new TV," Megatron panted, side-eyeing the broken set at the foot of the berth.

"My thoughts exactly." Optimus murmured, rolling onto his side and searching lazily for a body to cuddle up to.

Megatron made a pleased noise, the berth dipping as he shifted into Optimus's space. "You still want me to get up?"

Optimus snorted, slipping his thigh between Megatron's legs. "Not today."


End file.
